i want to make a sansa stark playlist but when u download it it’s just lana del rey’s entire body of work

"I must be," she thought, "the most beautiful person in the world." Even the pornographers on her computer screen could not look away from her beauty. They gazed into her eyes as they committed their filthy acts. The sounds of mastication and masturbation mingled in the air.

i like sharing my sims photos but i get bored w/ standard sims commentary

(Source: dragracemetohell)

National Bird Steals Mandible in Chief, President “disappointed”

April 2nd, 2014

The president’s lower jaw was found today in the snow and ice of Norway, where a bald eagle dropped it late last night. The mandible was spotted by a native Norweigian man, who says he had taken it home with the intent to use it as soup stock until his daughter recognized it as belonging to the American president. Authorities were immediately notified, however, before the jaw could come into official custody, it was again snatched away by what experts are saying was the same bald eagle.

The president wrote to the nation today, saying, “While I do see the humor in the situation, I confess myself disappointed that the perpetrator of this supposed prank would think this appropriate. The removal of one’s lower jaw would negatively impact anyone’s daily life and ability to to their duties. As your president, it not only negatively impacts me, but our entire nation’s well-being.”

At noon today the Senate passed a bill demanding that the bald eagle bring back the mandible. The House has yet to bring a bill to the floor, however the Speaker commented today that they would “be quick to deal out justice” to the perpetrator of the prank, but that any attempt at a search and rescue “should be carefully considered before needlessly wasting taxpayer money”. Norwegian officials have declined to comment on the matter. —Samuel M.

in the middle of the night i woke up and as i was trying to go back to sleep i wrote an entire fake news article in my head about the president’s lower jaw being stolen as an april fool’s joke

omg i’m really sorry about my blog

i wish my boy had a tumblr so i could reblog his posts and tell hinm i love him

:(

oh i found him

i  should be sleeping but i’m playing tiny towers and i have tooooooo find alex ford

thefrogman:

[video] [h/t: alxbngala]

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